Thursday, September 19, 2013

Bon Jovi: "Keeping the Faith" They're "Undivided"

Note: I am recycling some unconfirmed rumors and the details may be slightly inaccurate as I write from the heart rather than cross-check over Google. However, my memory rocks so I should be pretty on point.

I love my Apple TV. The greatest addition to my life since the birth of my child. Always adding applications. Most recently, they added a Vevo application where I could watch music videos on demand. So why not look up my favorite band, Bon Jovi, to see what's there. When I got to the band description, it started reading as follows: "Bon Jovi is lead singer Jon Bon Jovi, guitarist Phil X..." and that's when it hit me: my favorite band may be forever fractured.

Last April, guitarist Richie Sambora bailed on the band the day of the their Calgary date leaving the guitar onus on complementary piece Bobby Bandiera. Jon Bon Jovi played the role of martyr asking for the crowd's support and Richie then went on leave for a "personal matter." The next show Jon re-hired substitute Phil X, extremely able but not Richie, and we [Bon Jovi fans] thought Richie would be back for the next leg of the tour.

Well, almost 6 months later, the band is still fractured, completely defeating their image as a group of working class Jersey boys who stood united against adversity, handled their issues in-house, and inspired over 130,000,000 fans to never give up and keep fighting the good fight.

What makes it especially painful is all the endless stills and video we have witnessed over the years of Jon and Richie on stage, side-by-side - a true Batman and Robin. Jon puckers to the crowd with arm around Richie. At the end of each show, Bon Jovi salutes the crowd hand-in-hand like they just won the big one. There were a championship team you would want to play for.

However, now they have entered the realm of most other superbands with superegos: communicating through the press, letting the media get to them and resorting to high school girl gossip wars. Not exactly Jersey Strong.

To fill you in, here is what has leaked over the last 6 months perpetuating the split.

- Jon telling Ellen Degeneres it is a "personal matter" and saying Richie is still a member of the band and they want him back, but then leaking that Richie "has been through this before." (a nod to his substance abuse) Ironic since Richie was a huge help to Jon's daughter after her heroine overdose.

- Jon telling a magazine, "you continue on," because it's not like Richie is U2's The Edge. This promptly Richie to email Jon saying, "Hire The Edge!"

- Richie was set to make $2 million per month and 20% of revenues. Phil X makes $10,000 a month - if that's accurate, Phil values himself as much as the 99-cent store.

- Rumor is the extra money goes to Jon and his ongoing quest to become an NFL owner.

- Friends of Richie said Jon had a history of belittling him.

- Friends of the band said Richie always brought around floozies, bimbos and his frequent drinking thinking it was still 1985.

- Apparently Jon and Richie spoke last month to patch things up, but Jon gave an ultimatum of go to rehab or you're out of the band. Richie countered by saying he is and has been sober.

While Jon isn't a tweeter, Richie has turned the other cheek on Twitter, pretending Bon Jovi never existed, with tweets focused on his daughter Ava, fashion line and solo tracks he has released over Youtube, most recently a 9/11 dedication called "Engine 19." He comes off as someone at peace, living his life, but always avoiding the elephant in the room of fan questions.

Obviously, this rift was not sudden, but rather than just regurgitate gossip, here is a hypothesis of how this feud started with some perspective from both sides and a supposition on how Bon Jovi could once again be whole.

How The Split Started

(....Sorry, just had another moment of disbelief that I am writing about this. )

On the bonus features of Bon Jovi's "This Left Feels Right" DVD, Jon commends Richie on making that album possible, saying he was the most important aspect of the project. Richie then genuinely patted Jon on the shoulder - a truly warm moment behind longtime friends.

However, I've learned that clean hands make a happy life and hands started getting dirty after Richie's personal life came crashing down from divorcing Heather Locklear, losing his father and going to rehab #1. Listen to Richie's solo song "Seven Years Gone" for some apt artistic channeling. Jon has prided himself on never using drugs (excluding alcohol) so maybe the divide started with a little barb that Richie tried to brush off, but it stayed with him.

Just like marriages, and this has been a 30 year marriage where band members have seen each other more than their families, communication is paramount, and if the communication lines don't stay clean you muddy the waters. And sometimes the barbs of one motivate the other to commit a transgression against that person or the group (i.e. Richie's Calgary no-show). And of course, knowing you committed that transgression you justify it afterwards (i.e.  the "Jon made fun of me" rumor) and then withdraw from the situation (i.e. leave the tour for 'personal reasons'). However, that transgression can motivate the first person to commit a transgression back (i.e leak the 'personal matter,' be sloppy in the press). Like a grade school fight, both are complaining to the teacher, "But he started it!" So after all that, here's how I feel about both sides.

Why Jon Is Right
Jon is the boss. Richie, Dave, Tico, Hugh and Bobby are tecnhically his loyal employees. They show up and stand by him, honoring their obligations to the band. Richie bailed in Canada, the cardinal sin of any performing group. He's treated Richie very well over the years, and you can't mess with 'the brotherhood.' While the gossip may paint Richie as the victim, Jon was the one first betrayed. It seemed like Richie was never fully committed to another tour when he said he was. He may have still been consumed with his under-appreciated solo album and spending more time with his daughter.

Why Richie Is Right
If you're not getting The Golden Rule from Jon, you can find better working conditions. He may have never been fully on board to doing another full-fledged tour just after coming off "The Circle" tour which was huge. Sometimes family comes first, and Richie wanted to make sure he was the best "Papa Richie" he could be to Ava.

How Bon Jovi Can Be Full-Strength Once Again

Right now Richie isn't fully committed to confronting his issues with Jon. Right now Jon is in tour mode only and doesn't want to put up with any noise to take away from the shows. Although karma had other ideas - cue drummer Tico Torres' recent emergency appendectomy.

Like I said before - lack of communication got them into the mess, full communication must get them out... if... if they want to reunite. They've used the press, they've used the phone. When's the last time Jon and Richie have been face-to-face? The bold thing for Richie to do would be to crash a show and talk to Jon backstage. The bold thing for Jon to do would be to crash Richie's home next month when the band returns to LA, maybe give him the most heroic of cameos onstage.

Obviously, I writing for the fan. Obviously, I know a fraction of the truth, but when we buy our ticket, Richie knows fans aren't getting the full package.  Like all money issues, if this is a money issue, they can be resolved. Ask the NFL, NBA and Writers Guild to name a few.

The greater good is the fan base, which has been as dedicated as any, making Bon Jovi repeatedly the highest grossing tour multiple times over the last few years. If they want it, the money is there. Their ticket prices are only going to continue to rise as they continue to evolve into a national treasure and connection to a simpler time.

Hopefully they've got each other and that's a lot, for love.

Let's hope they give it a shot.

Evan Wecksell is an outstanding guitar-playing comedian, but has a soft spot for Bon Jovi. You can follow him on Twitter @evanwecksell

Friday, March 22, 2013

My Old Blog Page

Just found my old blog page at www.evanwecksell.com/ew_blog.html.

Reading about Munchaba Lounge and The Downtown closing, extremely painful to review. Posting it here so it's not forgotten.

Evan

Friday, September 2, 2011

South Dakota School of Mines & Technology - Off the Hook

Rare that I say 'off the hook.' Rarer that I blog about a show. However, last night in Rapid City, things got nuts. Like I used to do when reviewing Bon Jovi concerts, let's break it down song by song or segment by segment.

Soundcheck - My student entourage/shadow loved my old stuff before the show - male stripper, milf patrol, stephen lynch stuff. I should learn the old stuff again.

Warmup - Not sure what to make of the crowd, 'attentive' is a word I use for not laughing, but we were feeling each other out. This school is 70% guys and I'd say the show was 1/2 Greek and 1/4 of the crowd was wearing beanies that really looked like big green kippots (jewish hats).

Just Like Quagmire - Usually wins the guys over. They like quagmire and apparently putting the city name before 'crackwhore' in the show.

BonJovi219 (Boy on the Internet) - Usually I put this later, because this is a go to song. The premise - I bring up a guy from the crowd to be the internet boy. In this school of techies, three guys came up - Blake, a perverted freshman who stole or ruined the show by miming masturbation throughout the song, Jake, someone who supervised Blake acting as the voice of reason or just pretending they were stalking online, and Rashan, an Indian student took pictures of me from the stage on his phone only to realize he had a camera so he took 20 pictures of me with his camera throughout the night. Rashan was off on one side while Jake and Blake were on the other. Blake was gross and I think he ticked off some people by being the self-loving addict that he is. It was funny to see the crowd turn on him later in the show like a wrestler who turns heel.

One More Year (The College Song) - I kept Blake on stage, so he was partly my fault but hey, when self-pleasure is in the song, you gotta use the live demo. These two songs had the crowd in my hand. I moved up the college stuff and now it's about maintaining throughout.

Just Being Miley - Two girls being Miley. Cute, held the fort. They were normal. We weren't used to that.

More Than Four - We never guessed my wife's 'number,' but we didn't call our celebs that I would try to impersonate sexing the wife. Ahnold, Morgan Freeman, Billy Cosby, Bill Clinton went off good enough, but they gave me an applause break for Charlie Sheen. Apparently sex with Sheen last two seconds and then he says winning after.

Bruno Mars Madlibs - I started doing this over the summer because I hate the video for 'Just the Way You Are' so much. Do you really need to sing to this gorgeous South American model that she's amazing? Does she really need a self-esteem boost? I think she'll be alright. So instead of 'when I see your face', we subbed in "when I Missy's prostate, you're kinky just the way you are." Also, this crowd was very good at applauding at the end of songs. Usually it's awkward or I haven't earned it. Rashan from the internet bit came up to turn the page for me then we sang the final line together since he liked Bruno Mars.

Oh yeah, during Bruno Mars there was heavy rain or a hailstorm that caused 30% of the crowd to immediately evacuate. So weird, I don't know if this protocol but it felt like I was being punked. A minute later, at least half of the evacuees would return.

Top Ten Things About SDSMT
This student bootlegged the 2nd half of my show. I want this footage. I wish I brought my camera. I hit all the high notes and I didn't know Humans vs Zombies was more popular than uhh... sports.

Entrance Contest
Forgo'd FML contest to get students to come out to their own theme music choosing a random track off a playlist on my iPod. Blake tried to volunteer again, but we booed him off. If he was a wrestler, he got amazing heat from the crowd. They turned on him fast. Rashan tried too, but again, overexposed. A couple girls did alright, Jake returned and came up short again endorsing the winner - Hi - no, that's his name, an Asian student from Triangle Fraternity who basically did the robot with the theme from Seinfeld playing in the background. Big ovation, amazing job.

After the comedy, I do my talk about Greek Life yada yada, and my fly was down during the whole thing yada yada, but Mines was off the hook - great crowd energy, fairly filthy more because of the volunteers than me. And my friend from Black Hills even showed with my photo of me at Mt Rushmore back in 2008 from my BHSU visit. Great job Rapid City!  

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Happy Bye Bye Bin Laden Day / Marathon Recap

Greetings ,

Happy Bye Bye Bin Laden Day!

It's a great day for America and I think it's great that Obama finally enlisted Chuck Norris to get the job done! And yes, it was the fist that came from his beard.

In the spirit of freedom, I want to thank all my "Fight For Kids" supporters for my Long Island training:
The Kahrs Family / Dave Towle / Pam Knell / Sleven Rucci-Airo / Liza Savas / Gina Bratkowsky

I have so far raised over $300 (www.funnyevanmarathon.com), snagged the front page onThe Great Neck News and the back page in The Great Neck Record

So what happened in the race?
I ran 1:38:41. I finished 330th of 4605 runners and as I said on twitter, I sprinted that mofo in. That's a 7:37/mile pace.

The dates keep coming in May as tomorrow I return to the Boston area at Bentley University - 7pm in the auditorium.

Thank you again,
Evan

Thursday, April 14, 2011

South Africa - Part 2 of 3

About a week into my trip and I have the schedule of a morning show host. I get exhausted at 8 pm and wake up between 4-5 am. I then get up to train in the hotel gym watching The Weakest Link - the perfect show to be British. Anne Robinson is like a bitchy librarian who knows where every fact is and when someone gets eliminated, it's like they fail for not getting being proper/British enough. So with this schedule at least I know I can have Matt Lauer's job someday. Today I woke up a little after 6am and felt like the biggest slacker.



Anyway, you can learn a lot about a culture when you go to the airport. Some harsh realities and retroactive observations:



- Every South African accent sounds British to me.

- Everyone in South Africa is attractive, gorgeous really. All genders, ages, races and sizes.
- Speaking of sizes, there are no fat south africans. The only fat people are the Americans visiting South Africa. It's like the conversion rate in money from US to SA is the same for weight. Obese Americans --> Overweight SAs. Overweight Americans --> Average SA. Average Americans --> SA Supermodels. It's probably funnier to go through that backwards, but just goes to show where our food industry is compared to theirs. Watch Food Inc. And even if you are ugly, at least you're clean-cut.
- Did I mention bottled water is less than a dollar here?
- Did I mention toilets have a smaller, spherical shape than the US? See weight comment.
- Did I mention Neil Diamond was here last night and caused a traffic showdown for the several hours leading up to his show? Didn't know there were Red Sox fans in Cape Town to sing along to 'Sweet Caroline.'
- Oh, and let's talk airport security. In the US it's always a contest to see who can disrobe and redress the fastest. (Old people always lose, followed by people with small children and Asians are the Women's UCONN Basketball team of this tournament. I was all ready to give it an international go, but...

--> As long as you have no metals on you, you're set.



--> Shoes can stay ON!



--> Laptops can stay IN your bag!



--> You CAN bring through WATER! You're no longer bordering on hyponetremia (google it) to gulp all your water down before security.



--> With each of these points, you hate TSA that much more.

- I can't take south africa airport security seriously. Looks like their uniform came from a costume shop or the wardrobe truck on a Hollywood set. And what the hell is a constable? (I'll google it.)

- Stayed at a nice hotel with family and the staff was so nice it bordered on nausea. There's being nice by taking your food order then there's being nice for the sake of worrying they might have you executed for not being nice enough so they're almost ready to bow before you and beg for their lives. Then you have them defeat the Kragen to see if they are truly worthy. (Yep, some Clash of the Titans humor. And there will be a sequel.) We had a new person seat us for breakfast and it was at a table that was used at one of the settings. The new girl said sorry about 15 times, literally. I would have her defeat the Kragen, de-claw a tiger and then walk around downtown Cape Town wearing a placard that reads, "I Hate Nelson Mandela."

- The Botanical Gardens are gorgeous. It's like Alice in Wonderland meets the Land of Oz. You can get right up and small them, photograph them and then Guinea Hens can walk by out of nowhere. On to safari... (which I've already been on for 3 days... pretty life-changing... get ready...)

Friday, April 8, 2011

South African Ramblings

It has been just over 24 hours since I have left the US and arrived in South Africa through Amsterdam. Here are some ramblings and rantings...

- I have no idea what my body clock is. I'm 6 hours ahead of NY and woke up at 6 am local time (midnight US EDT) to workout. I guess when I go safari I have to be up early so I need to keep the schedule of a morning show host. Being a comedian vampire this new schedule is making me become everything I hate.

- Anytime you're flying international and the pilot comes on first in a foreign language you swear you've been hijacked, every time. He could be saying anything. Although this pilot sounded like the bowler who tried to steal Marge from Homer in an early Simpson episode. Then when he gets to the English you feel great relief. "Oh, he said we may have some turbulence and then said thank you for flying with us. So this isn't the long-awaited sequel to Passenger 57."

- I don't care how nice a person you are, I don't care how at peace you are with yourself spiritually, if there is a young kid behind you who wavers between ecstatic squealing and fierce crying, you want to put a bullet in that kid. (Yes, I plan to be a father in the next couple years.)

- Dutch flight attendants are so amazing you'd swear they were fembots.

- Still off a high of seeing Wrestlemania and the return of The Rock, I've thoroughly annoyed my wife with a Rock "Finally... The Rock... has come BACK to [insert current location]." So finally the rock has come back to jfk, amsterdam, cape town, the crown lounge, the bathroom, etc...

- Frequent flyer status got me into the Crown Lounge in Amsterdam. It's the most conservative, boring but perk-filled place in the world. If I wanted to, I could quietly get hammered in 10 minutes and no one would know.

- South African toilets have big flush buttons against the wall.

- My father-in-law has scared everyone into not coming in contact with any tap water even though the hotel says it's fine. So in the gym I had purified water from the tap. If I get dysentery I'll stop. By the way, I only know the word 'dysentery' because of The Oregon Trail.

- The terminology is a little off from ours. Elevators are lifts, 'watch your step' is 'mind your step' so I guess watch TV is 'mind TV.'

- Speaking of TV:
==The hotel said ESPN but there was no ESPN just a loop of Mila Kunis promoting the Book of Eli and Johnny Depp promoting The Tourist. WTF
==There are 4 sports channels and they all show rugby or australian rules football. I don't know which is which. All I know is they have a working labor agreement. Take that, NFL!
==Some american networks in South Africa: Cartoon Network, Discover Channel, Disney Channel, MTV. Sorry, not a BBC or Bloomberg guy.

-Speaking of MTV:
While on the treadmill in the fitness room, the only thing I could tolerate was MTV and they were actually showing videos! Ramblings within ramblings...
++ Britney is back.
++ Still don't get the gay kiss in Katy Perry's Firework.
++ Any background dancing girl in a Chris Brown video should be at least an arm's length away from him. You don't want to catch a 'you remind me of Rihanna' haymaker.
++ Chris Guetta is everywhere. I have no idea who he is, but he's everywhere.
+++ My BIGGEST PEEVE is with Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" video. It's not a powerful message if you're singing you're amazing to a gorgeous Brazilian or mulatto model. Of course she's amazing, she's doesn't need Michael Jackson Lite to tell her that. If you want to make that video mean something, sing you're amazing to someone not gorgeous, female, young and thin. Sing you're amazing to girl who eats ice cream while she watches The Biggest Loser, a gay couple after their reality pilot was turned down by Oxygen or The Situation after he finally realizes he has AIDS. (ripped off the trump roast for that one)

That's all I have for now. I started this my mentioning that I was working out because I run the Long Island Half-Marathon for Fight For Kids on May 1. Please help me fight against child-drugging and support education of alternative handlings by donating at www.funnyevanmarathon.com.